That's Penshurst Off Road Cycling to you and me.  Now you won't catch me doing any of these tricks on my bike but I have to hand it to these kids at PORC they are quite amazing. Some of the down hill bikes (I'm sure that's probably the wrong name for them) cost around £4,000 each. The kids wear  elbow pads, knee and chin pads and boy do they need them. You should see some of those runs; most people wouldn't even attempt to climb down them, let alone ride down them! Some kids just have no fear. The jump bikes I discovers are different again. I'm probably wrong but I think they are more like BMX bikes, the bikes that have fixed wheels and really low seats, which you see teenagers doing wheelies on in the Tonbridge Sainsbury's car park. In the street they look ridiculous, like a clown's bike but at PORC they look totally in place, not out of place. Click on this link to Alternative Tonbridge blog to see the videos and I'm sure there's som even better ones on YounTube. OK these kids probably spend all of their spare time at PORC when they should be doing home work and they probably have really indulgent parents who buy them all the expensive kit but I really was flipping flabergasted at some of them....

Entries have been positively flooding in, as usual, right on the deadline for the West Kent Book Fairs annual Poetry Competition, now in it's fourth year. I never understand why people don't just enter during the course of the year. That way the organisers wouldn't live in constant fear of not having enough entry fees in to cover the admin, the prize money and the winners anthology (pictured) and we wouldn't have to think about how the hell we will tell the winners that there isn't enough money to cough up for the prizes and that they might have to take book vouchers instead. But where would the fun be in that kind of security. Anyway you'll all be pleased to know that Mr. Books and Green Arrow Publishing, the organisers of the comp, have now just about got enough money in to cover it all and that we are on schedule to announce the winners during Poetry at the Fair at around 2-30pm at the Book Fair, Big School, Tonbridge School on Sunday October 26th. Be there and be square!  If you are still pondering on which poem, from your soon to be published anthology, to enter then tough luck buster the competition is now closed (unless you really plead with me)....

Tonbridge blog has spoken to Ghost Connections, who are a local "Paranormal Investigation Team" and they think that the happenings are suffiicient to warrant going in there with their equipment, presumably an orb spirit detector and vacuum cleaner, to conduct tests. Dave at GC did say that normally their investigations are "scientifically unsound", in other words they cannot offer any conclusive scientific proof, but that he has had "plenty" or paranormal experiences and that "... the first ghost sighting must be (his) most memorable..." I'll report back on this just as soon as there's any inconclusive proof to report back on. Look come on I've got to be a sceptic, my bookshop is in the same building for Pete's sake. Did someone say Pete? are you there Pete? Tell us about the other side. Oh my God I just felt that chilling feeling down my spine, I know what Dave at GC is talking about!...

As today is National Poetry Day (of course you knew that didn't you) I offered to read out a poem live on KMFM, as indeed I did just that last year on the lovely Vanessa Elms show on last year's day of celebration of the verse. DJ Richard Walters decided that he wouldn't trust the uncertainty of live radio braodcasting and decided to perform it himself instead of letting me do it. The poem was The Credit Crunch, by Mark Richardson (who he?) as seen below. He did his best bless him, but you see Richard, it is quite difficult to perform a poem when you're reading it for the first (at best second) time. So just let me read it out next time mate. Thanks for the plug for Mr. Books Bookshop though, I need all the help I can get so I don't want to sound too ungrateful. Incidentally Poetry at the Pub, open mic nights, are held at The Ivy House and not at Mr. Books bookshop as you said; I do welcome anyone to the shop who wants to come in and perform their own material, but 30 people in the shop might be a bit of a squeeze and I can't risk someone spilling red wine on me set of leather bound Henry Fieldings! Right, for now, I'm Frank Bough, which rhymes with off...

Look, it is true, I'm not being modest. Roger McGough, I do admit does poetry better than me. I love it and I love perfoming his and other's poems out at open mic poetry gigs and I do quite like some of mine but he does write some wonderfully observant stuff, it has to be said. So, since he's always reading out other poets works on Radio 4's Poetry Please,  I feel sure that Mr. McGough won't mind if I recite one of his which seems particularly appropriate in these uncertain times:

The Leader

I wanna be the leader

I wanna be the leader

Can I be the leader?

Can I? I can?

Promise? Promise?

Yippee, I'm the leader

I'm the leader

OK what shall we do?

(Roger McGough)

Credit Crunch

(Don’t you feel so sorry for those City Boys?)

 

Those City Boys

They love their gadgets and little toys

They love their Porsche and Ferrari cars

Fully kitted,

With sat nav and anti-speed check radars

Fitted.

 

They swagger and they sway

No one gets in their way!

Another round of drinks on the tray.

More shallow girls wanting to play.

Off with some wedge to a modern art gallery

Not connoisseurs but with big fat salaries.

 

They’re the ones who say

They’ll call us

So long as they get their big fat bonus.

Telephone number pay cheques of which most of us can only dream

To them are just the standard,

Cos they’re the cats who always got the cream.

 

They’re the boys with loadsamoney

So I have to say it’s not very funny

That now we suffer from the “credit crunch”

Those City Boys, well, they’re out to lunch!

 

No, no it’s not with champagne and caviar

This time

But, just like the rest of us,

They’re queuing up at the sandwich bar!

 

 

As you are all no doubt aware the Poet Mick Imlah has just won the Forward Prize, which is the sort of Oscars for Poetry. His anthology The Lost Leader was apparently a clear winner, with absolutely no arguments between the judges (in itself unusual) I do hope that it's not as high brow as last year's winner, Sean O'Brien's The Drowned Book, because if it is I don't think that I'll be able to understand hardly any of it. And this comment is coming from someone who loves modern poetry in it's various forms and organises a monthly poetry night. I'm afraid that some of these judging panels can be so up their own arses inward thinking that the rest of us are just left to feel excluded from the academic inner circle. Of all people Joanna Lumley, spoke out about this very thing in the Daily Mail recently, so it's not just me. I will be buying the new winner's anthology though because I suppose you have to stay open minded. The biggest growth area in the poetry world is Spoken Word poetry by the likes of Polar Bear and Scrubious Pip, (well they have to have catchy names don't they!) and it's easy to see why: they're far from high brow, they appeal to a much larger (and younger) audience and they sound good and are often set to music. Different forms which cannot be compared you might say; well people (like me) do compare them and decide which are more thought provoking and entertaining. There has to be a balance between the two surely....

There's growing eveidence that in these harsh economic times more and more people are turning there backs on expensive forms of entertainment and turning towards, yes you've guessed it, BOOKS. Yes indeed, pretty cheap couple of nights in is a book, especially when bought secondhand, although new books can also be cool too. Books on thrifty subjects, so I'm told, such as Jamie Oliver's Ministry of Food, are very popular at the moment. Curiously though also popular are books about extreme wealth and opulent lifestyles. We saw it in thearly 1980s with TV programmes like Dynasty and Dallas and books like Jackie Collins and Jilly Cooper's really taking off. The escapism that a book book can deliver, it seems, just cannot be beaten. But then again I would say that being a bookseller wouldn't I....

More on the Ghosts of the White Horse Inn: whether or not you believe in ghosts, spooks, gouls, witches, orbs etc. etc there are people around who take the subject very seriously indeed. One such organisation, who of course has a web site, is Ghost Connections, who are based locally, and have connections all over the South East, nationally and across into the other side! In fact I've met some of them in Mr. Books. Strange that they didn't pick up on any ghostly vibes but then again maybe the spirits have taken up residence since their last visit (does it work like that?)  In fact Tonbridge blog is going to contact them to see if they'll conduct an orb test, or whatever they do, in the upstairs rooms of the Old White Horse Inn. Sends a shiver down your spine just thinking about what foul dark forces they may discover up there....

Apparently the occupant of the upstairs office above Mr. Books Bookshop in Tonbridge, formerly the White Horse Inn, died over 200 years ago. No that can't be right; actually though he is so spooked by these strange goings on, so I'm told, that he seriously is expressing that he'd like to move out. Those damned poltergeists if only they'd just lay off and get on with being dead. Cross to the other side and stop bugging us will youuuuuuu....

For a few months now I've been hearing noises  in my bookshop, coming from upstairs. Floor boards creaking, things moving around, loud bangs as objects drop to the floor. Very spooky happenings. Or is it that some new office staff have just moved in upstairs; that would be the easy way to explain it to the sceptic! Do you believe in the paranormal, do you believe that there's someone out there, that disturbed souls wander around our town. The building where Mr. Books stands is actually part of a row of houses which are at least 500 years old, not far from here people would have been tortured and executed and murdered at the 1,000 year-old Castle. In fact the site of the Old Fire Station is about where the live stock where slaughtered and sometimes public executions where held in medieval times, tortured souls. Warners solicitors offices were previously Bank Street School, before that they were the Workhouse, where people in abject poverty went when they had no other choice. Many of them died before their time of disease and the strain of the hard existence. More tortured souls. So it's not surprising then that there should be at least one ghost in the Mr. Books building, which used to be the market traders' pub, The White Horse Inn. Now you might think that this is just a publicity stunt, that no ghosts exist. Tonbridge blog is actually a big sceptic about these matters but even I cannot deny that I have had a cold shiver when ever I've gone into the upstairs rooms. The previous occupants moved out after only a year, the recruitment consultants, who where there before that went bust and mysteriously left everything as if they had had to up sticks in a great hurry. White boards were left in mid training sessions, coffee cups were left undrunk, windows were left open; dust was left to settle and before long the rooms resembled a shrine to a different age. Ok I am exagerating slightly, but the current occupants have told me that they've felt a presence in the room at the very top of the building, that radios have suddenly lost most of their sound if they've been played too loudly, as if someone was trying to tell them something, as if someone, or something, was being disturbed from its sleep. T blog will report more on these ghostly presences if they'll let meeeeeeee.....

Actually you didn't miss an awful lot on Alternative Tonbridge blog whilst T blog was down, just me ranting on and on about some more poetry:

Don't forget that it's National Poetry Day on Thursday October 9th, which unfortunately does not this year coincide neatly with Poetry at the Pub, as it did last year, which is a shame, which takes place on on Thursday October 2nd at the Ivy House pub at the corner of Bordyke and the High Street in Tonbridge, where, I'm told the mentalist landlord is going on hunger strike in protest of the death of the pub trade because of greedy property owners who know nothing about running a boozer; and if you've really not had enough Tonbridge's West Kent Book Fair will take place at Tonbridge School on Sunday October 26th all day and will include Traditional Storytellers and Poetry at the Fair, another open mic session but this time in the amazingly accoustics of Old Big School Hall, which (pause for breath) is at the tail end of Tonbridge Arts week, which this year goes on for a whole month. Now that was a long sentence, which is why poetry is so much better than prose!...

And we're back up again. I'm going to have to work out how to get more bandwidth from 123-reg, the site administrators but you know in the meantime you can always go to Alternative Tonbridge blog if this one's not up and running.....

I'm told that last Saturday Folkstone Rugby Club were on the end of all the pent up frustration of players who had suffered their worst season ever last year. The Tonbridge Juddians clocked up a whapping 124 points to nil against the visitors in the first home league game of the season. It's too early to tell whether or not this means that all the hard work and recruitment of two professional coaches, not to mention the influx of some talented new players who have been enticed to join the club, has paid off but you have to say that the signs are pretty good!...

Blimey who'd be a pub landlord. This appears to be a genuine open letter to the boss of Enterprise Inns, who own the property and lease out three Tonbridge pubs to Colm Powel, a self proclaimed "Mad Irish Landlord" who has started a web site called Dying for the pub trade. I'm pretty sure that the three in question are the Punch and Judy, near the Police station, The Ivy House, and the, now closed, Station House. So incensed is he that he is prepared to go on hunger strike to make his point about the slow lingering death of the pub trade. Now that is mad! (And thanks to the anonymous commenter for drawing this one to my attention. Good luck to him because I'm sure it's a noble cause; although I would say that other pubs seem to make a bit more of an effort with service, I speak mainly of the Ivy House here, where I sometimes frequent. I like the place but it could be so much better with more attentive bar staff instead of a succession of ever changing student and foreign barmaids who, no doubt, do a great job during the couple of months they are there before they move on; and a manager who is actually there now and again would be nice. As for the Station House well I only went to that particular den of iniquity a few times and it's the closest Tonbridge had to one of those road houses you see on American films were they have pool table brawls and the regulars slap the barmaids on the butt at every opportnity and if they have live music on the band better be behind chicken wire for the bottles and cans of beer are sure to rain down on them (although probably not at their prices!) The P&J as it is now known, is probably the best run of the three, which isn't saying a great deal; and the food used to be very tastey. If you could actually breath in there (before the smoking ban) then that was an added bonus....

It hasn't reached their web site yet but I can exclusively reveal that Susan Adams has decided to call it a day on the annual Tonbridge Garden Show after 15 years of organising the event. She's apparently fed up with nanny state style safety regulations, such as having to call the traffic controller "Traffic Controller" instead of Pete or Andy, and having to put EXIT signs over the obvious exits of the marquee. She's sick of having to pay £45,000 in costs to put on the show and sick up to here of contractors taking the piss and being jobs worths, had it with the red tape of it all. In short she had enough, sick of it, fed up, pissed off with it. Do you get the idea! I'll be honest and say that, having taken a table at the last show and comparing it with the shows of ten years ago I would say that the event has seen its glory days, despite the claims of over 15,000 visitors, and it is probably a wise time to finish it. But good luck to Susan and Dick in their retirement; perhaps they can now just enjoy their own garden instead of worrying about sorting everybody else's out. So if you want to book a table for next year then make some other plans to sell your dodgy hard wood garden furniture; or if you were planning to go and buy a new chimaneya or new metal arbour arch tough luck buster; you'll just have to go to Notcutts in Pembury instead....

Nooooooo! Not KMFM!!!! They can't do it to us. Tonbridge it seems is about to loose it's friendly, purely local, radio station according to BBC Kent news. The Kent Messenger group are in trouble by all accounts and they have to go on a cost cutting drive to make ends meet. Tonbridge will almost certainly get the shitty end or the stick again I'm afraid, which means we'll loose the dulcet tones of the likes of Myma Seldon (pic) from our airwaves forever. Let's take to the streets, lets phone in like we've never phoned in before, let's all do our damnedist to save the stricken station from extinction....

  

Once upon a time, long, long ago.... actually it was on my recent holiday in Cornwall I was fortunate enough to stumble across a traditional evenings entertainment at a farm nearby where we stayed. Actually it was a farm shop and restaurant with the best home cooked food you could imagine but that's not the point of the story! In fact stories is the point of the story. One rainy night, for there were many on this particular trip, we went to see some storytellers, who told some traditional children's tales and some stories from Cornish folk lore. The few who had bothered to show up for this free entertainment, sat on hay stacks in a barn as two crooked and weathered looking old men (Mike and Dave to their mates, pictured) built up their tales, got to the guts of the story and delivered the finale, in one case complete with magicians fire (at least that's what I think it was) shooting out of his finger ends. I was so impressed that I googled them when I got back and found them on the Society of Storytellers web site and I've only gone and booked them for the West Kent Book Fair on Sunday October 26th haven't I. So at this years event, for the paltry 50 pence entrance fee, you'll have a choice of books from around 25 different book sellers from all over the SE, you'll be able to listen to and take part in an open mic poetry session, bring the kids along to childrens story time, take part in literary quizzes, listen to publishing advice, have books signed by up and coming local writers, play the world's first literary board game and now, (pause for breath) enjoy the ancient, almost forgotten art of storytelling which has been around far longer than even the written word. Come on what else are you doing that day?! I bet you can hardly wait! Put the X-box away, turn off the TV and get yourselves along there....

Matt from the Telegraph has been with the paper for a good many years now, in fact man and boy. He's easily my favourite cartoonist and in this dismal economic climate he must be surrounded by doom and gloom stories at the Torygraph. It's great to see that he hasn't lost it and only he could get away with this one:

But my favourite was a few days ago relating to the Hadron Collider which threatened to distroy the planet, if you believed some of the more extreme new reports; it must be nice in Matt's World:

Now MR. Books Bookshop does not make a massive profit. To be honest if I didn't love it I'd have given up the ghost a couple of years ago; the love of books and the hope that one day, just maybe, that missing original manuscript written in Shakespeare's own hand will be left in a dusty box outside the shop just before I open up for the day, keeps me going each day almost as enthusiastic as the first day the shop opened! So it's nice to know that, despite my meagre profits, I'm making more money than Lehman Brothers, Halifax Bank, AIG insurance, Morgan Stanley and a whole host of other so-called financial giants put together. It's hard to believe that they could all get it so spectacularly wrong. The secret of Mr. Books comparative success (I'll let you know, but don't tell anyone will you) I didn't expose the business to too much reliance on the global capital markets and sub-prime mortgages. I did think of going that route but decided against that particular business strategy. So now you know. You have to feel sorry for some of those young city boys being frog marched out of their Canary Wharf tower block and booted out into the real world don't you though. No? Me neither!...

No doubt the weather helped, but it was really great to see so many people out in Tonbridge over the weekend. National Heritage Day meant that several attractions were open for free. I didn't get time to go into the Castle Gatehouse this time, but having been up the tower several times before, I can tell you that it's worth it to see the spectacular views across the town and surrrounding countryside. I also poked my head into the parish church, where there was a craft exhibition on; the tapestries and childrens clothes were not especially my thing, but I was mightily impressed with the wood carvings of Joe King. So much so that I asked him if I could buy one of the ones on display (as I recall it was called "Energy") so impressed was I. He said that he's never tried to sell them, so couldn't give me a price; it seems he just does them for fun, because he wants to and he wouldn't want to be restricted to being commissioned or anything as commercial as that! It's really nice sometimes to meet people like that; so many people are trying to sell you something these days that Joe was a breath of fresh air on a warm Sunday afternoon. I was also impressed with the annual Art on the Railings exhibition, partly because some of the artwork is really quite good (I have been known to buy the odd piece knowing that I can't really afford it) but mostly because, just for a few fleeting minutes, as the sun glinted on the river below, and helped to add vibrance to the paintings, as the artists sat soaking up the sunshine looking dischevelled yet content, one felt a little ripple of that Rive Gauch, avant garde feeling. Maybe I'll put some books down there next year to add to the effect. It just showed how good Tonbridge could be with a little imagination.....

Tonbridge blog has gone over the half million mark, in fact way over with around 633,000 hits since it was launched in June 2006. Not quite YouTube or MSN but still not bad for a locally focussed daily rant. I'd like to take this opportunity to apologise if Tblog has offended anyone along the way. Sometimes I cannot control what I say; indeed it is to some extent my alta ego, my Emu to Rod Hull, my Orville to Keith Harris, my impressions to Rory Bremner, my Dame Edna to Barry Humphries, my Claire to that artist fellow Grayson Perry (you get the idea). It's kind of what you'd like to say if social convention allowed it. I'd probably let loose far more if you all didn't know who I am, but I have been "outed" long ago. Anyway please keep reading, hopefully being entertained, and especially keep commenting and letting everyone know your thoughts and I'll try to stop my alta ego from insulting you.....

And so fare well Bionic Records. Is this another nail in the coffin of Tonbridge High Street or is it just a sensible move my the couple who ran the business in recognition of the dramatically changed market for music? Personally I still think there's enough room for an independent record shop in the town, such is the market for collectable cd's and especially of vinyl. I understand that Bionic Mark and his Mrs. are going to continue with their lucrative fairs organising and trading in collectables, so good luck to them. It's just a shame that the business couldn't be sold and continued, maybe there's an opportunity there for someone with a bit of entrepreneurial flair, a love of music and more than a little courage....

When planning your weekend don't forget that it's National Heritage Weekend. They'll be a few places in Tonbridge open for free. Worth a look is the Castle tower, if you've never been up there you can see way over the surrounding countryside to the East and right over the North Downs and the top of Quarry Hill. Then there's the Oast House Theatre, the parish church craft fair, Art on the Railings, Somerhill House with it's picturesque park and gardens (all 150 acres of it) and there's quite a bit going on in the upstart daughter town also, so I understand. So don't bother going anywhwhere this w/e cos it's all happening right on you doorstep and it's all freeeeeee.....

Some friends of mine have just taken on an allotment for the princely sum of £16. I said that I thought £16 a month to be fairly reasonable and they replied, no that it was £16 a year! Blimey, is it worth the bother of collecting it? I thought, but it seems that that is the rate over at Trench Wood allotments. They intend to erect a shed and hire a flippin great plough machine to rotavate their patch. "How big an area do you get for your £16?" I enquired. "Five rod," came the reply. What the heck is a rod the rest of the gathering said almost in unison. We then had a rather light-hearted drunken conversion about rods, poles and perches with each of us having our own theory about the area a "rod" would cover. Some bright spark had the idea of looking in the dictionary! (why didn't the rest of us think of that?!)  It seems that they are all old fashioned agricultural terms for measurements of length, a rod being 5 and a half yards or 16 and a half feet. It also transpires that a rod of brickwork is a unit 16 and a half ft by 16 and a half ft by one and a half bricks thick, which equals 306 cubic feet of bricks (which has nothing to do with allotments but interesting none the less.) I'm looking forward to eating some of the produce from these rods next summer if my friends get their act together, so get digging girls....

At the risk of sounding like a prize bore, here's an interesting snippet for you. You may have been forgiven for thinking that the global sports and fashion brand Nike had just plucked their name out of the air. But no it appears that someone had a bigger brain wave than you may have given them credit for, if indeed you've ever thought about it at all. Nike is a well chosen name because, if you know your mythology, Nike was the Goddess of Victory. She was the Daughter of Pallas, a giant and she's represented as a winged figure holding a palm branch and shield (no swoosh in sight though!) They should get a big tick for that in my book. It's amazing what they know in Christopher Hull Sports shop in Tonbridge High Street.... Sorry we've only got what's out on the shelf, but did you know that Reebok was the Greek God of athletics....

One of our anonymous commenters has accused Tonbridge blog of disappearing into thin air. Bloomin cheek. This is not a job you know, I do this in my spare time and it just so happens that I haven't had a great deal of that recently ok, not that I'm being defensive or anything! So for his/or is it her benefit he goes: Tonbridge blog wants to complain...bla bla bla.....the traffic wardens are at it again....bla bla....the council don't know their elbow from their bla bla bla....what we need is better infrastructure bla bla bla.... what about that link road that's been planned for more than 30 years bla bla bla.... why are all the shops closing bla bla... you can't find a menswear shop for love nor money, no wonder everyone pisses off to Bluewater and Tunbridge bla bla...why is no one bovvered any more about their town bla bla.... why do we need parking charges anyway bla bla bla bla.... that should keep you going for a bit!!..

I have seen the future and it is murder! So goes the the Leonard Cohen song and if you've ever been to Future World near the Lizard in Cornwall you'll know what he meant. Here's a vision of what it could be like if we let robots take over the planet. Before you know it they'll be doing Gene Kelly and Bob Deniro impressions....

This fellow spotted at Mullion Cove on my recent holiday must be barking mad! Oh that's right, it wasn't a fellow at all but an amazing acrobatic black Labrador called Barney who has created a new Olympic sport: Dog Diving. Marks out of ten for artistic impression? When interviewed after his dive about the condition of the sea Barney replied "ruff!" It's incredible what a dog will do for a rubber ball....

What's on in Tonbridge? Well quite a few things actually. There's Heritage weekend on the 13th and 14th of this month, Tonbridge Castle, Somerhill, the Parish Church and other local buildings will be opening their doors free of charge as part of this. So if you ever fancied going to the top of the Castle and having that superb panoramic view across the town and the surrounding countryside, but where too tight to fork out for the gatehouse tour then now's your chance. The same weekend there's Art on the Railings, hosted by the so-called Platonic Artists Sue Vass and Wendy Asprey, which brings a flavour (ok a pinch) of the Rive Gauch to our fair town. Go down to the river, beneath the Castle and you'll be able to view (perchance to buy) some really quite stunning artwork mostly by artists who actually make a living from it. No disrespect to Tonbridge Art Group and the like, but your stuff is relatively crap and their's is pretty good and thought provoking. Not forgetting Poetry at the Ivy which is this Thursday at the Ivy (funnily enough) 8pm in the main bar. Read out a couple of poems, chill out with a few beers, or wines, have a chat with some fellow poetry fans. You'll everything from hip hop and spoken word, Scrubious Pip-type material to Shakepeare and Shelley. Come along and grab yourself some culture before the new Autumn TV schedule sucks you in to a life of couch potatoery....

The kids are mostly back at school now, give or take the odd private school whose holidays seem to go on forever, and I still get that nervous feeling myself. I felt nervous for my children last night and I had butterflies this morning as well. It was almost as if I were the one who would be meeting my new teacher, as if I'd be starting my GCSE subjects and be on the long winding road to A levels, perhaps university and a postgrad course; not to mention having to choose a career and meeting a girl/boy of your dreams, marriage, children of their own and all those responsibilities. But then again, the wild parties, the lifelong friends still to meet, the rock concerts, the girlfriends/boyfriends along the way, Olympics 2012? (who knows) the gap year travel, that first job in London, learning to drive, their first flat and home, ah independence....

So to cheer you all up here's a picture taken through my car windsreen of Polzeath bay on my recent holiday in Cornwall because, as we all know, the weather is best in the west!...

Some good information on the history of Tonbridge as well as some very nice old piccies. Membership information also available, take a look at the new and improved site....

This is one of the best summer fete activities I've ever seen. It was 50p a bet and drew a large crowd of eager people keen to bet on the "horses" at the St. Minver church fete, which I stumbled across during my recent excusrsion to Cornwall. I've never seen it before so it could be a one off; I'm definitely going to try to get hold of one for the Tonbridge Summer fete next year; come to think of it they should market it as a national game....(You may have to play the video clip by clicking on the pic above and then clicking play over on Alternative T blog, which seems to be far more technically advanced... or is it just me who can't work it out?! Either way it's certainly worth the extra bit of effort....

Did anyone see the closing ceremony of the Olympics; having been away for most of the Games I felt obliged to catch up as best I could and ended up watching most of it. Yes it was a bit embarrassing when all we could offer was a shiney red double decker London bus, Boris Johnson, an old rocker and an X-factor reject, plus of course Becks kicking a football into the crowd. But at least we didn't turn any children away for not being pretty enough or shoot any students! So as our thoughts turn to 2012 (or at least that's what the media would have us believe, personally I'm avoiding all mention of it as I'll be 50 that year) but here's one for you; if Tonbridge were hosting the Olympics what would we have put into our eight minute slot at this year's closing ceremony? How about Kelly Holmes arriving half an hour late in an Arriva bus singing with Keane with the 2012 GB skateboarding team in hoodies doing trick jumps outside a makeshift Sainsbury's! Any other thoughts?...

This is what someone said to us when we were ready to return home. The weather had been so dreadful that you could see why he was saying this. Don't give on on Cornwall! In other words don't bother going to Spain or Portugal, the South of France or Italy. Why would we when we have everything we need, lovely seafood, weird and wonderful real ales, Cornish Pasties (these days in every flavour you could possibly dream of) sea, surf, sand, beautiful people, quaint towns and cottages. Everything really except the weather (this year anyway) I won't be giving up on Cornwall despite having been rained on 12 days out of 14, despite having just about survived force ten gales (in a tent), having the tent collapse on us having returned from a trip to Padstow, and despite being woken up several times each night by either a flapping fly sheet or else a herd of cows in the next field. Isn't that after all what holidays are all about? In fact I was rather tempted by a nice little cottage/shop in Mullion Cove on the market for a mere £395,000, with sea views (only snag was it's right next to the public toilets, good for trade but not so good to live next to) Imagine getting up at 8-30 every morning, nipping down to the picturesque harbour for a swim, swallow diving off the harbour wall a few times, going back for breakfast and opening the shop to the first wave of never ending tourists who are keen to spend their hard earned pennies on everything from a child's tiddler fishing net to a copy of Cornish Fishing Folklore. Probably a good time to buy in Cornwall at the moment as prices have plummeted over the last six months or so. You can now pick up a three bed terrace in Rock for under £2 million I'm told! Anyway Tonbridge blog is back, maybe not as refreshed as I'd ike to be, but back all the same. It's been very encouraging to see that the blogging has continued without me posting my two-pen'w'th. Parking charges being introduced at Hayesden Country park being the most popular subject (or unpopular) It is an outrage but frankly why is anyone in the least bit suprised; the council should be encouraging people into Tonbridge and all they do is over charge people for shopping, nick cars if they're five minutes over in the car park, harrass tradesmen who sometimes have no choice but to park in restricted zones and now they charge us to go and look at the swans and geese at Barden Lake. They'll keep doing it because it's easy money; what they don't seem to grasp is the negative long term effect of all this on visitors to the town and locals simply going elsewhere for their shopping and entertainment. I'm afraid it's the same old problem repeating itself over and over again: "the council" doesn't know it's butt from its elbow. On the one hand they have departments to encourage business and trade and down the corridor they have another to put them off. They need a complete strategy it's as simple as that....

Tonbridge blog will blog again soon but don't let me stop you....

Friends of Tunbridge Wells Boys School will be delighted to hear that a certain Mr. Dereck Barnard, who was Head Master at the school for nigh on a hundred years, will be available for a chat at Mr. Books Bookshop in Bank Street, Tonbridge tomorrow and Friday and again next week so long as you don't distract him from selling books that is! During his teaching years his private dream was to work in a bookshop, apparently, so I'm calling his bluff. Let's see how keen he still is after a couple of weeks of dealing with some of the weirder and wonderful customers....

How dare Crest Nicholson park one of their own vehicles outside their award winning town centre development. Just as well our friendly Civil Gestapo Enforcement Officer was on hand to put the blighter to rights!....

Tonbridge is fast resembling an Agatha Christie novel: deaths and murders going on, seemingly, all around us. The latest may have happened on Saturday night; I'm afraid T blog hasn't exactly been what you would call on the ball on this one. I have seen the flowers tied to the bridge railings, so clearly there has been a death and most probably in the river Medway below and I've heard about the helicopters circling the scene on Saturday night and seen the Police tape around the scene. Beyond that I'm in the dark but I will endeavour to find out a few more facts about the case. All I can say for now is that it seems to be another death in Tonbridge in dodgy circumstances, the third in around six months and that's surely more than our fair share. Condolences to the family concerned in this latest sorry episode....

Now as some of you may know Tonbridge blog is a big fan of poetry. You must know by now that, my alta ego, Mr. Books, organises regular poetry nights at The Ivy House pub in Tonbridge. The range of styles there has been amazingly varied, in fact everything from the Dafodils of Wordsworth to the Hip Hop of Dr. Wottrich. That's about as wide apart as it's possible to go, or so I thought until I saw and heard two artists/poets/musicians/talkers (actually I don't think they fit into any genre, which is probably part of the point (without getting too pseudo and deep.) You can hear them both, and there are probably many others, on YouTube of course, and MySpace, of course again. They have to have weird names like Sroobius pip and PolarBear, cos t goes with the territory. They call it Spoken Word and I guess if you analyse it people have been performing this kind of thing for at least a thousand years in one form or another. So it is reinventing the wheel a bit; anyway I like them, see what you think....

Huge sigh of relief as your favourite local blog comes back online. Have a look below to see what you've been missing due to the greed of the site admin people. Actually you can always look at alternative Tonbridge blog for a slightly different perspective: it is always up even when this site is down and what's more it's free, doesn't cost me a penny, gratis. Why then, I hear some of you say, don't I simply transfer everything to that site then it would never go down. I have no real answer to that other than I don't like change all that much. Simply click on the top link to the right, which is accessable even when the rest of the blog is down....

Apparently 300 dogs have escaped from Battersea Dogs home after thieves broke into the charity's offices. At present the police have no strong leads!!! They can't stop us laughing, it's the only thing we've got left....

Come to think of it I watched a film called "Unfaithful" again last night, with Richard Gere and a lovely female actress who's name escapes me. Anyway by chance she meets a good looking and slightly weird bookseller, which ends up in a passionate and slightly violent affair. She is wracked with guilt but has fallen for him utterly, husband gets suspicious and hires a PI who gets photographic evidence of the affair. The husband secretly goes to see the bookseller, to warn him off but this turns into a murderous meeting when the jealous husband (Gere) spots a collectable snow ball, which is also very heavy, which he has given to his wife and now the wife has clearly given it to the bookseller as a love token. Result: sudden loss of control on the part of Gere's character and a whack over the head with the thick glass snowball, which almost instantaneously kills the bookseller. Then a cover up and later guilt and all the rest of it. The snow ball having been returned to the family home gives the game away. So let's recap: a bookseller gets murdered, then a black witch moth flies into my shop this morning; and I didn't even get to have the affair! Surely just my imagination running away with me!....

I swear to you a bloody great big black moth floated past me and into my shop today as I was opening up. It had to be at least four inches across its wing span. Brief research leads me to think that it may be a Black Witch Moth which is often mistaken for a small bat, which was my first reaction. If it is then there is all sorts of mythology attached to this insect ranging from a bringer of death, to a loved one departed coming to say goodbye, through to a bringer of wealth. If I've got a choice I'll take the latter please! The thing is these particular winged creatures are native to Mexico and occasionally Texas, so what the hell is it doing in my shop in Tonbridge?! Anyway I hope to bring you some piccies later if I can spot the little blighter. It's here somewhere still, lurking behind an old tome, perhaps it's looking for its friends in Britiash Butterflies and Moths! The good news is that they are completely harmless to humans.

Some handsome, some average looking, some just plain ugly, some not even worthy of a photo, just a silhouette. Faces starring out of my computer screen. All with one thing in common: they all share my name. Facebook, the social networking site can be quite humbling if you do a search on your own name you will come up with hundreds (five hundred in my case) of entries. All for people who share your name. It's even more humbling if you try it on Google....

If my bike was nicked from the High Street I'd be mightily pissed off I can tell you that. So why then did I laugh out loud when I heard on the radio just now that "Call me Dave" Cameron has just had his stolen from outside a shop in London. Did he lock it up? Will he go back to his chaffeur driven car? Will he propose a clamp down on bike thieves? We'll see....

I wrote this poem a few years ago after seeing my children breaking up for the summer holidays from Hildenborough Primary School; and now that I'm a school gate veteran it seems less appropriate to me, but it did capture one moment in my life quite well (with a bit of poetic licence of cause.) I've never been more glad to be wearing sunglasses, which enabled me to disguise my emotions. Maybe it'll strike a chord with some of you (especially the dads) as you relax and enjoy some time with your kids this summer. 

My Cool Sports Shades 

For the first time

I witness this touching spectacle

Before my eyes,

Unexpectedly tearful,

Behind my cool sports shades

In the warm July sun.

 

Smiling teachers

Beaming children shouting, excited;

Laughter.

“Freedom!” they cry.

 

Teachers grin sighs of relief,

Saying their final Goodbyes to parents,

They share hugs from the tearful

Girl leavers

And one or two boys.

 

Shirts signed by all their mates

From collar to tail.

Touching embraces, from secret sweethearts.

(Maybe one day, who knows?)

Or in another life perhaps.

 

Boys thinking they’re men,

Girls become women so fast.

 

Then first my boy

Through the crowd,

His face gradually appears, as I pick him out

His face relieved yet sad,

As he hands me a painting, of Everest.

(So many mountains to climb!)

 

Then my daughter

Like a fairytale princess

Sees me before I spot her.

Smiling, handing me paintings,

Notepads, pencil case and bag.

I become the porter for a whole year’s worth of kids stuff,

Like a cricket umpire; it’s part of my day.

 

“Year six now!”

“Year two now!”

But first that long rest in between awaits them.

 

“Pyjama Day tomorrow!”

 

It’s the end of term!

 

I dab a tear secretly

From the corner of m